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Insecurities + Confidence

December 17, 2014

I always picture, when I write posts like this, any guys who read them just rolling their eyes and sighing loudly. So, if you’re a guy and you’re reading this…sigh away and check back in on the next post.

I’m taking a step back from food and fitness today to be a little vulnerable.

In lieu of some excellent questions posed by women that I really look up to, here are my answers to the questions that I think that we should all roll around in our minds from time to time.

1. What is your favorite characteristic about yourself?

I am grateful that it is easy for me to truly like people. I’m good at putting myself in other peoples shoes, seeing their side of situations that I disagree with and even seeing past character flaws that most people would not accept. I usually feel that there is good in everyone and if people are hard and mean, there’s a reason that I want to get to the bottom of, and when I do get to the bottom of it, I will be able to nurture that hardness away (definitely not usually the case, but this is my line of thinking). 

2. What are you insecure about?

My physical appearance (just being honest!). 

I work in the fitness industry. I am expected to have flat abs, muscular legs, shapely arms. If I don’t, people inherently do not trust me for their fitness or food guidance. The real world doesn’t care about what’s healthy or whether I feel good in my skin.

So, I have thicker areas, jigglier parts and less-than ideal pieces of my whole that I focus on instead of being really confident in all the amazing things my body has achieved and all the incredible things I’m able to do. 

3. What are you currently struggling with?

Being good enough. In every area of my life.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m a good enough wife to Mark. I’m very, very lucky to have a husband who is gentle and kind yet instead of demonstrating my gratefulness, I sometimes nag, get annoyed when I shouldn’t and/or take out frustrating things from my day on him. I don’t always ask about his feelings and what’s going on with him. I feel selfish. A lot.

I constantly worry whether my clients get good enough workouts from me. Do I even do a good job coaching? Do people even want to be there or are they there because they don’t want to have to “break up” with me? (This part is not meant so that all of my well-meaning clients who may be reading this write me or tell me that that they like me!)

Am I good enough for Jesus? Do I financially give enough to churches and organizations that mean something to me? Do I do all that I can to love people and take care of them? Am I using my talents and my life to serve a bigger purpose? Why do I care so much about material, stupid stuff even though I try really hard to focus on other things? Why can’t I find more time to read my Bible and spend quiet time focusing on what God wants to tell me and less time with my mind wandering to to-do lists and schedules? 

4. What are you going to do about this? What do you want to share with the female readers?

If you get down to it, my insecurities are just little voices in my head telling me lies and filling me with non-existent ideas that I choose to believe.

I want to stop listening.

‘Want’ and ‘do’ are different things, but with focused attention towards what’s reality and what is just my self-criticism getting the best of me, I plan to be better. I want to be an example that perfection is not possible and even on days that I’m sassier than usual with Mark, I am a little bloated from the nachos I ate the night before and I forget to do my quiet time, it doesn’t make me a failure. 

I think many women struggle with similar things that I do, which is why I want to be open about them.

We’ve got Victorias’ Secret Angels strutting their stuff on runways, Pinterest telling us the kind of wives and moms that we need to be and the world telling us we need to spend more of our time making money, buying bigger houses, fancier clothes and cars but less time giving, loving and praying.

While of course I get caught up in all of this (hello! It’s exactly why I constantly feel not good enough!), I want to offer encouragement in the fact that I enjoy seeing people stumble and be real. I like hearing of friends’/clients’ bad days, bad food choices, or a fight with their family member. It helps me realize that WE ALL fail to live up to every standard that has been set for us. None of us are “good enough!” I truly respect people who have the humility to admit to mess-ups and take responsibility but laugh about mistakes.

I enjoy relieving the burden of being “good enough” with others…especially women! 



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